(Excerpt from a story close to first draft. Changed format (badly no doubt.) to this so I couldn’t reveal too much.) This does not give away the story.
Defendant: You think me a witch then?
Lawyer: Of course. That’s why we are holding this trial.
Defendant: I don’t know any witchcraft. Or spellcraft for that matter.
Lawyer: That’s for the court to decide.
Defendant: Don’t you think If I knew any witchcraft I’d have used it by now?
Lawyer: Ah ha! So you admit to it then?
Defendant: Of course not you dolt. I’m merely pointing out that you’re still alive. Had I known any witchcraft, or had any sort of powers you’ve accused me of having, well, don’t you think I’d have already used them to get out?
Lawyer: Perhaps. Except willingly showing your power would prove you treasonous against this court. And the populous.
Defendant: Or maybe I can’t prove something I cannot do. Let’s just say this is all a big misunderstanding and let me go.
Lawyer: my good woman, we are not here for assumptions, we are…
Defendant: Ah. So in front of this court you admit that I’m merely an old woman and not a witch. Good! Now may I go? After all, we are not here for assumptions.
Lawyer: Now listen here. That isn’t what I…
Defendant: No, you listen here. I’ve done nothing to anyone let alone show any inclination as to being a witch. I’m merely stating that if I were what you clearly wish me to be; well, that would prove detrimental on your part. If I were a witch, I’d unleash whatever ungodly powers I did have and lay waste to this place. Starting with you.
Lawyer: So you’re threatening me? I assure you that you wouldn’t get the chance.
Defendant: No. I’m merely pointing out the obvious. I’ve no powers, yet you assume I do. Therefore you expect yourself to be able to defend you and this court from whatever said occultic powers I’m supposed to have. How would you go about this I wonder? Would it be that you yourself have such immense occult powers that you are not afraid of a woman who you think to have the same occultic powers? My, my. you must be a powerful sorcerer to be able to keep the entire court safe from an old witch.
Lawyer: Now I will not tolerate…
Defendant: No, I will not tolerate you and your evil occultic powers. I’m simply an old woman going about her business whilst this obvious necromancer, (Points to lawyer eying onlookers) is trying to hang an innocent old lady.
Lawyer: I never! This isn’t about me. This is about the fact that…
(murmuring in the court)
Defendant: Oh so you admit it then?
Lawyer: I most certainly do not. We are here for the allegations about you.
Defendant: Oh, so by not admitting your evil powers you are admitting you have them.Or are you afraid that showing your power would prove you treasonous against this court?
Lawyer: What? Yes! No, I mean, well what are you on about? I will do no such thing! These allegations are most severe and must be addressed.
Defendant: Yes I agree. Only when you agree that you are a powerful wizard wielding occultic underworld powers will you come to terms with who you are.
Lawyer: See here! You must answer my questions regarding proof…
Defendant: Well now. Doesn’t feel good being accused of witchcraft now, does it? What are you going to do, cast a spell on me? And you have yet to deny you are in fact some type of devil worshiping sorcerer whom dabbles in bringing the dead back to life.
Lawyer: I object. This is absurd. This trial is about you. not something made up on the spot.I have witnesses with proof…
Defendant: I think I’ve established I’m no witch. As I said, Poof! Use my powers. Everything gone. Of course I’d now be seeking a new place to live. Perhaps snacking on your liver. I do get a bit peckish traveling. and I know animal livers ar good for you. I wonder about human….
Judge: (laughter from the court. Judge bangs gavel several times.) I will have order in my court. (To lawyer.) These are serious allegations. What have you to say?
Lawyer: Say? I say that this woman should be burned at the stake for witchcraft.
Judge: Really? I think she makes a couple of good points.
Lawyer: Are you serious? (Hastily tacks on a) your honor.
Judge: (points gavel at lawyer) I am always serious when proceeding in my courtroom. Now, we’ve established that indeed had this woman been a witch, she’d be free by now. And your claims of us all being safe had she been a witch is quite substantial. How would you have kept us all protected from an old lady you thought of holding unknown dark powers? How would one man stop powers that cannot be explained, nor stopped only by someone who does in fact hold occult powers himself?
Lawyer: Your honor, I assure you that I do not hold any such powers.
Judge: So you admit that you do not have powers? Swearing in front of these witnesses and in front of God?
Lawyer: Of course I do your honor. But I don’t see what this has to do with the case at hand.
Judge: It has everything to do with the case at hand. Had she been a witch, she could no doubt lay waste to us all and simply travel somewhere else. No doubt by some magical way. Or perhaps something would whisk her untoward another town in which to cause more alleged mayhem. But with all of her powers, she allowed three men, only two of them armed, to lead her into a jail and sit for overnight? I mean, really, if she were a witch she could have dispatched the three of you quite easily.
Lawyer: I don’t know how a witch would think your honor. How can we understand the Psyche of a witch? We found the markings of a witch on her.
Judge: You did?
Lawyer: Yes your honor. they found several moles and two scars.
Defendant: Scars from defending myself from ruffians a long time ago. Had I been a witch, don’t you think I could merely healed myself and therefore not incur any scars?
Judge: You’ve got a point. Scars are easy enough of an accident to receive. And as for moles, well I have several myself. So proof overruled. Where are these alleged accusers? I mean shouldn’t they be in the courtroom? It is their testimony after all that brought us all here.
Lawyer: Yes your honor. About that. They’ve yet to show up. Obviously the work of a witch.
Defendant: Yes, I dispatched them while I was in my jail cell even though I was being watched. You can ask my guards if I cast any spells.
Judge: (To guards) Well, did she do any spells?
Guard 1: As far as I know, she didn’t.
Guard 2: (Scratching beard) Of course had she done any spells, would we in fact remember?
Guard 1: I suppose if she could cast a spell to dispatch any number of people far away, she could just change our memories to not remember.
Guard 2: Would we remember our memories being changed? Or would she have merely erased that particular moment?
Guard 1: In theory, either. However she could also have done some type of spell and not said anything at all.
Guard 2: True, she could have but I don’t think so. I mean, she did a lot of talking but nothing in the ways of witchcraftery. Besides, wouldn’t we feel a bit wonky afterwords?
Judge: Enough. As far as you can recollect, did she in fact cast any spells?
Guard 1: I would have to say no. You hear any?
Guard 2: We are fairly certain that neither one of us as been spelled, or that she didn’t in fact cast any spells in our presence.
Guard 1: No, she was mostly telling us of her husband in the last war.
Judge: Really? Your husband was in the last war?
Defendant: Yes your honor. He was defending our lands from those savage invaders. Don’t you think if I were a witch, I could have cast some sort of spell that would have protected him from any and all harm? Maybe made him invisible or toughen his skin or something?
Lawyer: Now see hear! this isn’t about past experiences. This is about specific current accounts. I object.
Judge: Who has been charged by yet unidentified witnesses from a past experience. Are you merely wasting the courts time? Overruled. Do you have any actual, tangible evidence that she is an actual witch?
Lawyer: Well, yes. The case hangs on the eye witness of two individuals.
Defendant: (glaring at lawyer) Are you telling me two males accused me?
Lawyer: All will be reveled soon enough.
Judge: I am curious as well. I will allow it. Answer the question.
Lawyer: Well your honor, I am waiting for two males to show up to testify against this witch. They were supposed to be here well before the trial started.
Defendant: Alleged witch
Judge: Yes counselor, please refrain from accusing the lady of being a witch Until such time as proof is shown beyond all doubt.
Defendant: Thank you your honor. (Judge nods)
Lawyer: I’d rather allow the two witnesses to tell their stories
Defendant: These two witnesses wouldn’t be peter and Allen would it?
Judge: Counselor, please answer the question? Don’t make me hold you in contempt.
Lawyer: Your honor! It will all be made clear at any moment.
Defendant: I can explain your honor.
Lawyer: (Lawyer holds up hand to object.)
Judge: (Judge interrupting) I’ll allow it. Please continue and stick to the facts.
Defendant: Yes your honor. A week ago I went into the forest collecting mushrooms. I got distracted with the pain in my joints so I sat down for a rest. Being in pain, wasn’t paying attention to where I was going. That’s when I heard the dull hum. I felt so foolish stumbling too close to a wasps nests. As I was sitting and deciding the best way to get up without getting stung, two boys came up traipsing through the forest as if they were leading some fool of a parade. The bigger one, asked what I was doing. I said sitting, and I didn’t need any help thank you.
The little one asked what I had in the basket. I said mushrooms. The big one says, you got a lot there, why don’t you share? And I says, these are mine. I spent a great deal of time collecting these. I need them. What for? says the little one, for some kind of spell work? Yes, some of them. I said being afraid of the two boys trying to cause me harm. I stayed relaxed even though my heart was racing about a mile a minute. The big one says, Your no witch. I think we’re going to be eating mushrooms tonight. Oh no your not I says. Not unless you decide to pick them yourself. Your going to stop us? says the big one
No, I says, I’ll have the forest stop you. The big one grinned but the little one stopped. Hey, what if she is a witch? Says the little one.I mean I don’t want no spell cast on me. The big one says, There is no such thing as witches. Really boys? You willing to stake your lives on this fact? I’m sure there are a lot of things in this world that you know nothing about. Yeah, the big one says, my dad says witches are only stories. Really? I says. So where do you think the stories come from then? There’s no such thing. The big one said. He then takes a step closer. he was still about a half dozen paces away. He had stepped onto the log I presumed the hive had been located.
I said if he took one more step, she’d awaken nature. And nature being a woman, it protect her. I was scared for my life. So I gestured a bit and mumbled something. The little one took another couple of steps back. The big one stepped onto the log. said I was going to hold them in place with a spell so they wouldn’t even be able to jump, let alone walk away. Mumbling something again, I pointed my hands at them.The little one did seem frozen in place. The bigger one only stared at me a moment. Really old woman? You tr yin to cast a spell on me? I told you I don’t believe in spells. Or witches for that matter. To prove his point he jumped up and down on the log. As he did, I turned and ran. At first Nothing happened. As he jumped, There was a second of silence, and that’s when I heard the screams. I didn’t look back. I ran all the way home.
I expect I haven’t ran that much Since I was a child. I was so tired that I had to rest. That evening is when I heard the pounding on the door. I told whomever it was that It would take a bit because my knee still hurt from running away. That is when this barbarian of a lawyer comes rushing in with these two nice but misguided boys telling me that I’ve been charged with witchcraft. I’ve been sitting in that cell of yours since yesterday without nary a word from anyone! Now you tell me your honor. Is intellect a type of witchcraft? Because if it is, well I suppose I’m guilty. Otherwise I am only guilty of protecting myself the only way I knew how. By intellegence. And understanding my surroundings.
Come to think of it, aren’t those boys your nephews? Now that I look, I can see the resemblance.
Lawyer: I object. That isn’t the issue. I’d like to cross examine.
Judge: Overruled. You’ll have your turn. Yes counselor if you are related, it is an issue. Your whole case stems on the very fact that you need to produce the alleged witnesses
Lawyer: Well, we are related if it comes down to it.
Judge: It absolutely does.
Lawyer: They are in fact my sister’s boys. When I heard of this from my sister I had thought I would have to right this injustice.
Judge: I see. So you saw an opportunity to bolster your career and make a name for yourself at today’s trial?
Lawyer: No, your honor, I see it as a crime that has to be righted.
Judge: I am so sorry that you had to be dragged out like this. To be treated in such a manner on the word of two ruffians, and then jailed overnight you said?
Defendant: Yes your honor. I did enjoy the meals in a way. A bit lacking if you will, but under the circumstances… (She shrugs.)
Judge: Because of this injustice, I clear the defendant of all charges.
Lawyer: (Lawyer looking gravely ill, begins to raise a hand. Judge ignores him still speaking.)
Judge: Furthermore, I sentence you counselor to one night in jail.
Lawyer: Your honor, I can’t..
Judge: Don’t interrupt me. I also hear by sentence the two boys the same sentence. And since they didn’t even bother showing up to court today, I hold you counselor in contempt for wasting the courts time. And for not checking the veracity of your clients story as you were blatantly biased.
Lawyer: (looking as if he is going to be sick, again lawyer raises hand to speak)
Judge: Say one more word and I will tack on another three days. Furthermore, the family who falsely accused this dear sweet lady of witchcraft will pay her a days wage.
Defendant: That won’t be necessary dear. (Smiles at judge.)
Judge: I insist.
Defendant: How about instead you take the days wage and donate it to the poor?
Judge: I hereby sentence you to three days in jail and one day wages to the poor.
Lawyer: (Raises hand yet again. Judge nods) May I speak your honor?
Judge: Yes. But make it quick. You’ve wasted enough of the court’s time.
Lawyer: This story is preposterous. I have proof that she willingly conjured and cast a spell on my clients.
Judge: That failed to show up. Therefore case dismissed. (Bangs gavel.)
Russell's Ramblings 